When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you traded sex for a burrito?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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