Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
