i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
