My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
