No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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