windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
