All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize