it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
