We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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