he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
