Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
