Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
