the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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