So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you told grandpa to call you daddy
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
