wrigley field is MILF paradise
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize