Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
