Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
