Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
