census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
