I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
