I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
