You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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