I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
try to milk me bitch
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