She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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