If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I am naked and annoyed.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
