So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize