in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
