Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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