my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The beer is more important than you right now.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
