I skipped work to stalk him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
