Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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