so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
3pm strippers are depressing
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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