I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
