So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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