I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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