Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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