I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
