I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
