drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
