i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
