No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
