I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
