So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
