R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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