its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So much rum. So many feels.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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