Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
