I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
