The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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