Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
