dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
