if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
