They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
