You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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