we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
