My nipple is on Facebook.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
