U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
