I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize