oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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