batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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