I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
