His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize