between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
