haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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