I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
