he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
