I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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