it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
