Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize