Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
