I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
