So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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